p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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