Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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