Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
