she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
