Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
