Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

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  (732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it. http://tfl.nu/eqvw
  Replies (66) Good night (1913) Bad night (3952)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  meow

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.

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  (402): meow (1-402): WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD. http://tfl.nu/2v4y
  Replies (96) Good night (5099) Bad night (1513)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  his personality makes his face look like an asshole.

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  (360): his personality makes his face look like an asshole. http://tfl.nu/0gwl
  Replies (14) Good night (949) Bad night (3235)
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  (213): View more from California

  How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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  (213): How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know. http://tfl.nu/sm0x
  Replies (15) Good night (3852) Bad night (940)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..

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  (313): I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together.. (313): I can't decide if I actually want to know or not.. http://tfl.nu/mkwc
  Replies (18) Good night (1055) Bad night (4682)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.

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  (914): I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box. http://tfl.nu/rmin
  Replies (22) Good night (5840) Bad night (1008)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8965) Bad night (1197)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

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  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (29) Good night (10640) Bad night (1375)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

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  (757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day. http://tfl.nu/wt3s
  Replies (22) Good night (5889) Bad night (1041)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober

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  (608): so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober http://tfl.nu/y352
  Replies (6) Good night (1017) Bad night (3562)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?

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  (618): So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date? http://tfl.nu/zipl
  Replies (3) Good night (1863) Bad night (1203)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.

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  (740): Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward. http://tfl.nu/xwna
  Replies (3) Good night (946) Bad night (1832)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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  (701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs
  Replies (7) Good night (2217) Bad night (1003)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"

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  (612): And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week" http://tfl.nu/wk76
  Replies (2) Good night (161) Bad night (276)
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  (760): View more from California

  He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.

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  (760): He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/b6x4
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (222)

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