Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.