Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dick very happy bro
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.