Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize