so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?