Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself

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  (248): At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself http://tfl.nu/n1ex
  Replies (1) Good night (1335) Bad night (667)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

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  (860): so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized http://tfl.nu/4l7y
  Replies (22) Good night (904) Bad night (6234)
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  (027): View more from

  I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge

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  (027): I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge http://tfl.nu/wz99
  Replies (33) Good night (2097) Bad night (3568)
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  (631): View more from New York

  At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?

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  (631): At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you? http://tfl.nu/rik1
  Replies (5) Good night (3728) Bad night (893)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later

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  (914): I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later http://tfl.nu/hx0e
  Replies (4) Good night (3054) Bad night (857)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
  Replies (12) Good night (2172) Bad night (637)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth

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  (607): I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth http://tfl.nu/5ove
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (1081)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.

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  (712): Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled. http://tfl.nu/c6e6
  Replies (5) Good night (1530) Bad night (517)
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  (516): View more from New York

  When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.

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  (516): When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners. http://tfl.nu/d16h
  Replies (1) Good night (1512) Bad night (556)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.

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  (914): He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him. http://tfl.nu/d8kc
  Replies (4) Good night (1590) Bad night (344)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I want your cock.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd

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  (904): I want your cock. (910): All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd http://tfl.nu/l1ri
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (406)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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  (617): Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger http://tfl.nu/kw9o
  Replies (0) Good night (322) Bad night (382)
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  (914): View more from New York

  All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me

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  (914): All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me http://tfl.nu/g4wr
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (239)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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  (860): And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/jid6
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (446)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (135)

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