we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up