Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's