some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
