By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
