when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
