we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
