I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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