i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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