my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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