i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
