based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
