That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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