So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
