I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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