New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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