You're so nebulous sometimes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We left the knife in your bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
