Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
