Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize