Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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