Sry I called you an 8
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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