do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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