i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
