If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it's great music for shaving your balls
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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