by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
