sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
