We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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