Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
