You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Who died my cat blue again?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
