why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
