forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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