I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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