These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
