I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
