despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
