pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So much rum. So many feels.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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