I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
