I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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