we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
