I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
