Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
