Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
