you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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