Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
