i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
