I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
