i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
