Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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