i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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