I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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