I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
