I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
