Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
