I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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