I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
